


Darwinian Demonology

by RyuuSiren7



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Agender Aziraphale (Good Omens), BAMF!Aziraphale, BAMF!Crowley - Freeform, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Happy Ending, Is Crowley Good or Bad at being a demon in this, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Other, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Sort Of, You Decide, gratuitous use of footnotes, more or less, starts of dark and then gets better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyuuSiren7/pseuds/RyuuSiren7
Summary: Sometimes, Crowley wondered if the other demons ever thought about their animal forms, and what they represented.  Beelzebub and Dagon both made sense, given their positions.  Flies, vectors of disease that feed on decay.  And whatever Dagon was, it was certainly big enough and with enough teeth to classify as decidedly dangerous.  Satan’s made some amount of sense because goats can certainly be very mean and very clever creatures, well adapted and stubborn as Hell itself.Hastur and Ligur were really only exceptional in that their animal forms were quite large for their species, though Ligur did have the benefits that came with being a chameleon.  The majority of hell was composed of rodents and reptiles and amphibians, along with the occasional mammal (bats, mainly) or fish.Crowley wondered if any of them had ever realized that each and everyone was recorded as a snake’s prey, and what that meant.He wonders if it’s finally time to find out.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Dagon (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), possible ship for Beelzebub in the future
Comments: 22
Kudos: 179





	Darwinian Demonology

**Author's Note:**

> Second Good Omens fic, whoop. I’ve got a million ideas but lack both time and motivation. Lmk what ya’ll think, crit welcome but don’t be a git, etc. I wrote this thing while listening to metal (thank you, Jonathon Young) and Queen while procrastinating on already late lab reports. It’s been rough since. You know. The Pandemic. (Thought Pestilence was supposed to be retired? Smh.) Speaking of, I’m writing this on three hours of sleep over the past 3 days. So. Hopefully, it makes sense.
> 
> Also, this is based on that idea where the demons are actually their animals, while their bodies/corporations are just puppets.
> 
> Warnings for the chapter are at the bottom in the notes.

_“The serpent, subtlest beast of all the field.”_

_-John Milton_

* * *

**Hell, After the Fall**

Everwhere, there was fire.

The craters where they had fallen were bathed in it, red and orange and yellow surging amidst pools of boiling sulfur. Black flames blazed against their essences, turning light and stardust into drifting ash. Bodies once formed of wheels and wavelengths were becoming something else, something more tangible, more physical.

Something that burned more easily.

The acrid scent of smoke clung to them, scorching their throats and noses while eyes turned red from the sting of ash and heat. They burned from the inside out even as pieces of them crumbled and melted away, consumed by the flames and dragged down into an ocean of magma and sulfur. 

Fallen angels cried and screamed, begged and raged, as they were abandoned. Their wings and forms were stripped from them, leaving behind stains that sunk into their very Being to tarnish them with black, the remnants of their Grace and wings smeared across their changing bodies.

It was baptism not of water but of flame, rebirth traded in for destruction and resurrection of a different sort. Some cried out, reaching towards the heavens, pleading for their Mother until at last silenced as the molten flame dragged them under, beings destroyed by the weight of stone and blaze of not-yet-named Hellfire.

Others forced their way through, wrenching themselves free, nails cracked and bleeding as they dug through dirt and rock, wheels breaking from the strain as they crawled free, leaving behind more and more of themselves in order to survive.

Amidst it all, a black and red serpent basked on a rocky outcrop, unbothered by both the scorching heat of the stone beneath them and the flame that licked playfully at their sides. They couldn’t quite smell, but the taste of ash hung heavy in the air and on their tongue. They couldn’t quite hear, but they could feel each vibration from every scream and struggle and cry. 

The serpent watched as once-angels stumbled their way into freedom only to finish changing, as they too had. Halos broke as bodies compressed and snapped and shrunk, slowly morphing into animals of Earth - of the Garden - creatures beneath even the humans they had mocked and questioned. Some stumbled from the pain, falling back to sink into the sea of boiling fire.

Those remaining seemed to go mad from the pain, the agony of being skinned alive, completely and entirely dismantled by One they had all once trusted and Loved above all others, only to be crushed yet again once they thought they were safe. The survivors turned against each other, fighting and tearing into their former comrades, siblings and friends and lovers, shredding skin and fur and scale with sharpened tooth and claw. 

The largest of them was a goat, hooves jagged and spiked, with matching horns and eyes that blazed like the fire it left behind. A swarm of flies buzzed in the air beside it, reeking of illness so much that, even in their maddened state, none of the others dared disturb them. Another creature emerged from the sulfur pools, one better suited for the dark-water-depths of the sea than this blazing facsimile. Even so, it joined in the fighting eagerly, needle-like fangs and spiky armor aiding it in battle. 

The smallest and softest were trampled and tossed aside, some crushed and others set aflame while the wisest retreated as far and as fast as they could.

Slit yellow eyes watched it all, felt it in their newly formed bones. Ranks were being created and formed, where the strongest survived and would eventually lead. 

And of them all, the serpent thought:

_“Prey.”_

They coiled along the rocks, feeling stone crumble beneath their size and strength. Venom dripped from their newly formed fangs, splashing onto earth that sizzled and smoked from the briefest touch. Their jaw was loose, their teeth ached. They wanted to surge, wanted to sink their fangs into warm flesh and taste blood on their tongue. Frogs and lizards and rodents and fish, the occasional bird and bat, all prey beneath a serpent’s bite. Even goats would be known to fall from the venom of an adder or unhinged jaw of a python, and they were something much worse.

Instead, they withdrew, pulled back from the armies of demons and the sea of burning corpses, pulled back from the edge of their shelter and spy point, pulled back from even themself until they shifted and shrunk, body splitting into four, into arms and legs, while hair the color of the flames around them tumbled and curled around slim shoulders.

Ash and soot were shaken from their still-whole wings and turned into cloth, which was wrapped around their new form. The only signs that the serpent remained were golden eyes and a small sigil burned into the flesh beside their ear.

Crawley stretched his newly made limbs and turned, vanishing back into the sea of fire that dared not harm he who had held and hung the stars. [i] None of the raging demons saw him leave, save for one black fly.[ii]

You see, Crawley hadn’t truly _meant_ to Fall. He didn’t care about power plays and violence was never something he enjoyed, though that didn’t mean he was incapable of it. All he wanted was to be left alone. As long as no one interfered with that, he had no need to fight. 

Unfortunately, peace never lasts forever, and rarely for more than 6,000 years at best.

* * *

** Hell, slightly more Time after the Fall [iii] **

As any proper demon can tell you, bureaucracy is Hell. It’s terrible. It’s disgusting and inefficient and annoying and requires far too many forms in triplicated (and notarized, at that).

Naturally, it was the first task undertaken by the newly named demons once the fighting and immolation had stopped. Ranks were quickly decided, with the goat - now declared Satan - in charge as King, and the fly swarm - which was first called Ba’al, and then Beelzebub, and then Belial, and then Beelzebub again - was assigned Prince and righthand.

Other minor princes and dukes then fell into line, decided by the number of battles won and general size and intimidation.[iv] Only one demon turned down their assigned role - a medium-sized fish… crocodile… nightmare-like being that called herself Dagon - instead choosing to name herself Lord of the Files[v] and Beelzebub’s right hand.

Looking at her scale armor and dagger teeth, Satan and Beelzebub made the silent but agreed upon decision to Not Argue.[vi] This refusal did, however, lead to a duo appointment: the largest frog and most skilled lizard, who named themselves Hastur and Ligur.

On and on it went until all the top champions had been assigned a role. Anyone not present was presumed weak, pathetic and a coward, only worthy of being a grunt and tool. After all, if they’d been strong enough to win and smart enough to fight, then they would be here, wouldn’t they? Only the fittest to rule survived in Hell.

The swarm buzzed slightly louder, and Beelzebub wondered.

* * *

** Hell, several Pseudo-Months after the Fall **

Despite their best attempts at organizing themselves into a properly corrupt bureaucratical society, Hell was not succeeding. As it turned out, it’s very difficult to build offices and cities and create or sign paperwork when one lacks opposable thumbs. And height. And limbs, in some cases.

Satan was growing impatient, stomping and biting and roaring Hellfire[vii] at anyone who roamed too near.[viii] Beelzebub, meanwhile, was at the end of zir wits. It was Chaos, chaos everywhere. Which would have been fine, except it was negatively impacting zir, which was unacceptable. 

Luckily, ze had a possible solution. After all, ze had seen someone else change their form into something of flesh and flame, clothed in darkness and ash while shrouded in smoke. More importantly, into something with opposable thumbs.

* * *

Corporations, occasionally referred to as puppets, were quickly declared standard order. Each being’s form was different, not least because each had their animal traits somehow shining through. From there, it was quickly discovered that the more powerful one was, the more obvious the animal counterpart.

Besides the boils and diseases that rotted zir corporation from within, Beelzebub was always surrounded by a swarm of flies, occasionally with zir truest (and largest) form manifested upon zir head. Many others followed suit, including Hastur and Ligur. Others preferred to stay in a half-state, such as Satan with his lower body remaining as a goat.[ix]

Dagon kept the scale armor and fangs, albeit minimized.

No one was surprised. 

Weaker demons, meanwhile, were only faintly recognized. Some, such as the one who would one day be known as the Disposable Demon, or Erik, showed their true traits in only their hair or pigmentation.[x]

Shelters were built first, then offices, then chairs, and so on and so forth. The ceiling leaked, though no one quite knew how, considering they were surrounded by flame. And though they said they’d fix it right away, they never did. Time continued to pass until, at last, the humans were set loose into the Garden of Eden.

As such, it was sensible to send a demon of fairly average power and above-average cunning to “get up there and make some trouble.” A tall and somewhat flashy demon was picked for the job, the only signs of his animal being slitted yellow eyes and a small black tattoo of a serpent.

No one remembered seeing a serpent at the battle, so it was assumed that he was both fast and clever enough to get the Hell out of dodge before all Hell broke loose (in Hell). Some took bets on what kind of snake the man secretly was, though grass snake was in the lead.

Beelzebub remembered hair the color of fire and suspected otherwise. Ze sent Dagon loose on the population to take a census, an invention which both Hell and Heaven would lay claim to in later years. Naturally, several of the questions were about the new corporations and forms.

The Prince found the answer ze was looking for.

There was only one demon with red hair, and that demon was Earth’s new field-agent, Crawley.

In time, ze would be convinced that whatever had happened that First Day was a coincidence, a trick of the light and burning agony within zir core. It simply didn’t make sense that such a seemingly powerful demon would show so few signs of their animal. It made even less sense that such a demon would care so little for power of their own, and instead spend more time annoying the shit out of everyone instead of doing their goddamned job.

Even so, Beelzebub was careful. Ze was leniant[11], and distant, and made sure Crawley spent as much time Earth-side as demonly possible. His miracles went unrestricted, and any files about suspicious behavior were dutifully shredded by the ever-loyal (and vicious) Dagon. But every now and again, ze would see something in his face that made zir remember.

If ze had only spoken up, shared zir beliefs, maybe even forged an agreement with the demon born of flame and scale, this story would never have happened.

Alas, ze fucked up.

* * *

[i] Temperature of burning sulfur: 444.6 °C (832.3 °F)

Temperature of Lava/Magma: 700 to 1,200 °C (1,292 to 2,192 °F).

Temperature of Alpha Centauri: 2769 °C (5015.93 °F)

Temperature of the hottest star (on record): 39982 °C (72,000 ° F)

Compared to Crawley’s former day job, his current circumstances were more akin to a lukewarm shower than destruction and torment.

(For some reason, of the very few star makers who Fell, Crawley was the only one that retained this ability. He very determinedly Did Not Notice this, ever, no matter what, Shut Up. Though it did come in handy at times, such as when driving cars through Hellfire or saving certain angels from Heavenly execution. But that is a later story, and possibly another one entirely.)

[ii] The flies were, in fact, part of a hivemind that would one day be called Beelzebub. So it was less that one fly noticed, and more like one section of a hivemind made sure the rest of it noticed, and so Beelzebub noticed. And Beelzebub was certainly not saying a word until ze had more information. In zir words: “Nope. No zzzzir. Not fucking with that, Not Today.”

(Beelzebub was quick to decide that ze/zir pronouns would zzzuit them well. Additionally, it had been a very long day.)

[iii] For a given value of Time, that is, seeing as the first humans haven’t been created yet, and Time is still an incoming subject on the horizon (though a rapidly approaching one, at this point).

[iv] One of the most important rules of bureaucracy: appearances _matter_.

[v] The majority of demons present weren’t quite sure what files were, but if that’s what she wanted her title to be, then that’s what it would be. The remaining demons rather liked being alive and uneaten, after all.

[vi] Again, it had been, indeed, a very long day. 

[vii] Breathing and summoning Hellfire was, for all of them, a fairly recent development. Most of them would have happily sacrificed the ability if it meant they’d stop spontaneously combusting (sometimes a la Satan).

[viii] “near” is an objective term. In this case, anywhere within 1.6 km./1 mi. was fair game. For a certain value of fair, of course.

[ix] Satan, the goddamned satyr.

[x] Erik was a black rabbit and, in his corporation, had hair in spikes not dissimilar to rabbit ears. Despite this, he was actually a fairly powerful demon. It’s just that no one had realized this yet.

(This is a lie. Crawley had realized and was Making Plans.)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: lots of fire, lots of fighting and killing, demons being burned alive, demons drowning in lava, early days of Hell. No major characters are harmed, it’s all background.
> 
> ***************
> 
> Notes: Writing that was really cathartic, actually.


End file.
